A TRU Conversation – Part 3 – Become A TRU Listener
A Short Conversation …
Now that you have established the beginnings of a ‘connection’ with the person you are speaking with by looking into their eyes as you approach them and giving them a genuinely warm and happy smile; all you have to do now is simply and sincerely say …
Hi, (Hey, Hello) Jane or Joe, how are you?
This simple question has been proven to be truly over any other kind of greeting. 🙂
However, there is a very important thing for you to consider before even beginning a conversation … Ask yourself … Do I have the time for a long or short conversation? I am not an expert or anything, but perhaps thinking about your time factor might be something for you to seriously consider. Why do I think that is such an important thing to do?
Have you ever had someone say to you, “Hi, goes it going?” or “Hi, how are you doing?” and then watch them keep right on walking without waiting for you to reply? How did it make you feel?
If you don’t have the time to stop for a few minutes and wait for them to give you a real answer, which generally speaking, can take some time; think about how would that person feel? Wouldn’t they think that you don’t really care about them or what they have to say. This wouldn’t leave them with a good impression about your sincerity; nor I would hazard a guess, would it be a great way to lay a foundation with them wanting to have a meaningful future ‘tru conversation’ with you.
So, if you really are busy, but you want to make ‘contact’ to reestablish a relationship with them for a future conversation, you need to start off just a wee bit differently than … “Hi, how are you?” …
If it is you don’t have the ‘time’ to chat long you need to be honest with them right up front. Let them know how great it is to see them, and don’t just say the words; mean them. Let them know that you would really love to talk with them but that you don’t have time at that moment to talk but want to in the near future.
Maybe something like this could suffice; keeping in mind of course that you should tailor fit whatever you would normally say so that it will be natural and sincere.
“Hi … (Jack or Jane) It’s so nice to see you again, it has been a while. I really wish I had more time to talk with you right now, but I have to pick up the kids, have an important meeting/appointment or whatever it may be, that I have to do/ go to. I really want to know what has been going on with you and what you’ve been up to lately, do you think we could get together soon over lunch/tea/coffee/drinks (or whatever); so we can get caught up on each others’ news?”
What kind of feeling would this leave with them? You have made it clear that you not only want to catch on up their news and what is going on with them, but that you want to be able to have the time to really listen to what they have to say about what is going on in their life.
Then, if at all possible, make a specific time to meet and let them see you write the time down, whether on paper or on your phone. Why do I suggest this as an idea for us to think about?
Well, if they see you taking the time in your busy schedule to write down a time for you to get together, it will make them feel that you not only really want to chat with them again, but it will let them see and feel they, and the things that are going on with them, are important to you. It will leave them with a nice warm feeling and they will be truly looking forward to getting together with you.
If, on the other hand, it is they who are in a rush, I think it is even more important for you to be considerate of their time. If you were to keep them talking for a long time they would probably begin to feel anxious to get where they are going. Worse, they may begin to get irritated with you for keeping them from some appointment and possibly making them late. This wouldn’t leave them in a very positive or happy mindset or have them looking forward to any future conversation with you after you say goodbye.
So, after really listening to what they have said to you and knowing they are busy and in a rush; you might want to begin your conversation by ‘connecting’ with them on a personal level by saying you too understand just how busy and hectic our lifestyles can be, and cut your conversation short. Let them know right away that you won’t keep them from whatever it may be so they can immediately relax and focus on you and what you are saying. By doing this you are showing them that their time is just as important and valuable to you as yours. This will let them know it isn’t all about ‘you’ … but about ‘them’ … and most importantly … stick to keeping it short! This will show them you are a person of your word and reinforce the idea you care about them and their schedule.
So perhaps if you find out they don’t have time to talk you might say something like …
“I know how important it is for you to be on time so I won’t keep you. But I really do want to catch up on how things are going with you; what would be a better time for us to get together? I would love to be able to sit down and have a coffee/tea and get caught up on all your news. (as you are saying this you can take out your cell phone, paper or business card and write down whatever it is they say as to where and when and/or get them to write it down as well if possible) It’s been great seeing you again and I can’t wait to get together on Friday, (whatever the time and place is agreed upon) it will be fun. I hope all goes well (have fun or whatever is appropriate) with your appointment/meeting, exercise class. See ya later/ Bye for now.”
I think this example could apply, with a bit of modification of course, to someone you know, as in a family or friend; or even a business person or acquaintance.
In this short couple of minutes of conversation you did a number of things. You made ‘contact’ in such a natural friendly way, that any future conversations you have with them would be something for them to look forward to. You were also considerate of their time and let them know you were sincere about getting together and not just ‘being ‘polite’, because you made a specific time and place to get together. You also let them know that you were listening to what they had to say, as you referred back to whatever appointment/meeting/function they had to be at, at the beginning of the conversation.
Well, that’s it for now.
I hope I was able to say something that may be of help in giving you some ideas on how you can naturally, effectively and sincerely approach someone to begin a ‘short’ conversation with them and pave the way for having a positive future longer one with them!
Oh yes, and don’t forget … as you say your goodbyes … give them another sincerely meant smile before you leave and remind them how much you are looking forward to getting together with them. 🙂 If you know them, and you are a huggy kind of person, give them a nice hug if the situation allows, or just a friendly wave if. This will go a long way to leaving them feeling with a warm frame of mind and perhaps spread a little lightness to their day!
However, what if you have the time for a ‘longer’ conversation? Well, you still start of off the same way …
Hi, how are you …?
To be continued …